Bedtime Stories

So, it has been awhile since I have posted anything on the blog. Shame on me! I have been so busy with life that I forgot to update you all on it. There have been some pretty big developments on the Orlaith front. As most of you know, we have been co-sleeping with Orlaith since she was born. She never spent a night in her crib… EVER. My husband and I both love having her close, snuggling and just staring at our sleeping angel.

A week ago, our air conditioning went out. It was still working, but blowing hot air. This had happened before, and a complicated series of turning things off and on usually did the trick. Not that night though. It was super hot in our house, and I couldn’t bare the thought of that hot little baby snuggling up to me all night when it was upwards of 85 degrees. So, I stripped her down to her diaper and put her down in her bed. I say bed because I had just switched her from a crib to a toddler bed earlier that day. I totally expected that she would wake up at some point in the night screaming. Imagine my surprise when my alarm went off the next morning and she was still sound asleep in her bed! So, I struggled with my selfish feelings of keeping my baby close to me all night, versus the fact that we obviously had a window to start putting her to sleep in her own bed at night. The logical part of me won out and I decided that it was time. She was obviously ready to sleep alone. But was I?

The next night, I started telling Orlaith we would be going “night night” soon. I told her what to expect – saying good night to daddy, going potty, putting on a diaper, reading a book and then going to sleep. After each thing was completed, I would say “Okay, now we are going to do X, Y and Z” so she knew exactly what to expect. That night when I laid her down she started to cry. I sat right beside her bed and told her everything was okay. I hugged her when she needed it, and rubbed her back when she was lying down. The tears stopped after a couple of minutes. She settled down, with me snuggling her, and she passed out. She stayed asleep all night again. The next night, we went through the same routine, except the tears only lasted about 20 seconds. The next night, we were down to 5 seconds, and by the next night no crying at all! Every night I sat by her bed and waited until she fell asleep. We had a successful full week of Orlaith sleeping in her toddler bed every night. She only woke up one night because her teeth were hurting.

Last night, Sunday, started week 2 of sleeping in her own bed. Orlaith typically goes to sleep at 9. Imagine my surprise when at 8:20 she walks up to me, blanket in hand and tells me “Night Night”. I asked her, quite surprised, if she was ready to go night night. She responded with huge nod yes and proceeded to walk to her room and try to climb in bed. I had to remind her of our bedtime ritual. We went potty, put on a diaper, read a book and I laid her down. As I tried to rub her back, she told me no and pushed my hand away. She wanted to go to sleep on her own, without me touching her. I obliged, sadly. I sat there until she passed out. It took a little while longer than normal because it was still light outside. As soon as the room started to darken, her breathing slowed and her stirring stopped. My sweet baby girl is growing up all too quickly.

So that is our story of how we went from co-sleeping to an independent sleeper, quite by accident. My husband and I were talking and laughing last night… thinking of all the people who scolded us for co-sleeping. I can’t even count the number of people who felt the need to tell us we would regret ever letting her into our bed. She would be 8, 10, 21 (the ages invariably got older with each warning) and still sleeping with us. I am a firm believer that attachment parenting, which includes co-sleeping, leads to confident, independent children who are not afraid of change. They trust in us as parents to make decisions that are good for them. They know that we are there if they need us. They are not afraid to try things because they know we are right there, standing in the distance watching them succeed, and we are ready to pick them up if they fall down. They know this, and they flourish.

Why Attachment Parenting and Co-Sleeping Are the Right Choice For Us

Before I had Orlaith, I always said that I would never be one of those parents who let their kids sleep in bed with them until... who knows when? I had the perceived notion that co-sleeping was a bad thing due to the social stigma attached to it. I didn't really research any parenting styles while I was pregnant. Honestly, it never occurred to me. Once Orlaith was here in my arms, I would trust my instincts and we would get by doing what felt right to our family. What felt right ended up being attachment parenting, even though I didn't really know what that was at the time. I heard the term attachment parenting being thrown around, and I decided to learn more about it. Imagine my surprise to learn that I was already doing it!

So, what exactly is attachment parenting? It seems to mean a lot of things to a lot of different people. Dr. Sears has a great article called the 7 Baby B's. Here is the gist of AP:

1. Birth Bonding - This means bonding with baby immediately after birth. If there is a medical emergency that prevents this, catch-up bonding will occur as soon as you and your baby can be together.

This happened with me. I had hemorrhaging after delivery and I wasn't able to bond with O for 2 hours while they were working on me. As soon as they were done with me, I wanted my baby girl. I wanted to breastfeed her. The nurses looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn't care. It was what felt right. I needed to be close to my baby and feed her.

2. Breastfeeding - This helps you read your baby's cues and body language. You will get to know your baby better. This is also nutritionally superior.

Even though I have had difficulty with my supply, I never gave up. Orlaith is 6 months old now and we are still breastfeeding. I have no plans to stop anytime soon either. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for at least one year, while the 1st 6 months are exclusive. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for the first 2 years. I plan on letting O self-wean. She will give it up when she is good and ready, and not a minute sooner.

3. Baby Wearing - Carried babies learn more and fuss less. It also helps parents be more sensitive to their baby's needs.

It took us a bit to find a sling that O liked AND was comfy for me. The answer? The Balboa Baby sling designed by none other than Dr. Sears himself. I was a little amused at how much Dr. Sears kept popping up for me. We still use the sling all the time. When we go shopping, I wear O in the sling instead of keeping her strapped in a car seat in the cart. She never makes a peep. She snuggles up against me and soaks in the world around her, and all the while I have 2 free hands.

4. Bedding Close to Baby - This helps busy parents reconnect with their babies at night. It also minimizes separation anxiety and assists babies in learning that sleep is a happy, pleasant thing.

We started off using a co-sleeper bassinet. I only found out much later that Dr. Sears recommends this co-sleeper as well. It sits even with the bed and Orlaith was right there next to me all night. We used the co-sleeper until she was 3 1/2 months old. That is when we switched to co-sleeping in the bed. Even our pediatrician said that the risk of SIDS decreases dramatically around this age since babies can move easier on their own.

I could write a whole other article just on the benefits of co-sleeping. I LOVE it and will not stop just because people think I am making a stupid decision. The truth is that people don't understand the benefits. To me, they far outweigh the fact that we will have to eventually move O to her own bed. Is it possible that could be difficult? Of course, but I DON'T CARE. There is nothing more natural than snuggling my baby close to me all night. When she wakes up, Mommy and Daddy are right there to see the smile that lights up her adorable face. There is no crying, only her face lighting up when she sees us. Please stop with the comments - "You will regret that" or "That's a BIG mistake". I don't believe you.

For more detailed information on the benefits of co-sleeping (health and emotional), please read this article http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t071000.asp.

5. Belief in the Language Value of Your Baby's Cry - In simple terms, this is how babies communicate. They are dependant on us for survival. If you respond sensitively to your babies needs, they trust in you and your ability to respond to their needs. The result is a baby who trusts you and cries less. Babies cry to communicate, not manipulate. Allowing a baby to "Cry It Out" is more harmful to your relationship than you realize, and in the end will only result in a baby that cries more often because they don't feel secure that their needs will be met.

I have never, and will never let Orlaith "CIO". I feel that this is harmful to our relationship and her trust in me. By meeting her needs and not allowing her to cry needlessly, I have a baby who is very happy and has a great temperament. She smiles non-stop and only cries if something is truly wrong. So don't tell me it is good for her lungs or that she has to learn to cry because that is a total crock of poo.

6. Beware of Baby Trainers - Stay away from the rigid baby "trainers" that want you to clock watch instead of read your baby's cues. You might have heard of them. This is the Cry It Out (CIO) crowd... Babywise, The Ferber Method or any other "method" that tries to undermine your natural instincts in caring for your baby.

As I said previously, CIO is harmful to your baby. I have not and will not partake in it. I think it is downright cruel. Studies have shown that babies who have been left to CIO have lifelong emotional scars, and it results in feelings of insecurity and abandonment. It can be stressful to the point of increasing blood pressure and heart rate.

Here is a great article that discusses the pro's and con's of both CIO and AP http://sleep-disorders.suite101.com/article.cfm/dr_ferber_versus_dr_sears. As you will notice, even though there are negatives listed under AP, none if them are emotionally or medically scarring.

Another popular sleep method, Babywise, has been linked to dehydration and failure to thrive. Read about that here http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm.

7. Balance - Do not forget to take care of yourself and your marriage. Partaking in AP does not mean saying yes to baby every time, all the time. You will learn there are times when it is appropriate to say "No" to baby and that there are times to ask for help.

In short, I fell into AP quite by accident. It was what felt right to our family. I truly believe in it's benefits as I have witnessed them first hand. I love that the style is meant to bring the parent-baby bond closer together so that you can understand each other to the fullest. It is a way to learn about and trust in one another. After all, this is my child we are talking about... not a puppy who needs to be "trained".

Just because I believe in AP, doesn't mean I look down on other parenting methods (CIO aside). I am always willing to share my experiences, but I have no need or desire to talk badly about someone else's parenting choices just because they are not the same as my own. I wrote this in order to talk about AP and our experiences with it, not as a means to say everyone should practice it. It works for our family, and it works well. If I can educate just one person who was curious about AP, or had never heard of it, then I have done my job. The power in pregnancy and parenting is educating yourself and knowing your options. Never settle. Always strive.

For the full article on the 7 Baby B's by Dr. Sears, click here http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130300.asp.